realization

When I first started blogging, I was doing some really deep Bible study and my blogs were epic. They were lengthy and had all kinds of Bible references to support my thoughts. Most of those were WHILE I was babysitting two additional kids...now I have significantly less substance to my posts and very rarely do they have to do with Spiritual things. I was on fire for the Lord and now have gone through a patch of indifference and then ungratefulness, and now submission and humility.

I have been reading through the Bible in a strange, but somehow very revealing way. I started with Genesis, Psalms, and Proverbs, then read a chapter of each and progressed through the Bible this way. Now I am reading Numbers, Psalms, and 1Peter (I skipped the gospels, as I wish to read them simultaneously and do a separate study at a later date)

It is astonishing how ridiculous the Israelites are in Numbers. They are so ungrateful and selfish, never thanking God for His miraculous provision, but always complaining about His "shortcomings" Moses has interceded for them numerous times, sparing them from utter destruction and they have been punished with plagues, serpents in the camp, the earth swallowing evil men, fire from God destroying the camp, and the enemy triumphing over them when they stray, yet again, after God blesses them, but it's not enough...

Then in Psalms, the psalmist has been writing about how great God is and His faithfulness, provision, love, and how we should be thankful and praise God for His love for us and His glory as God, and at the same time not be afraid to open our hearts and true thoughts and fears to God...He IS faithful.

Ps.127:1-2 "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep."

Ps.128:1-4 "How blessed in everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you shall eat the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will e well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord."

Ps.131:3 "O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever."

Ps.133:1 "Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell in unity."

Ps.134 "Behold, bless the Lord, all servants of the Lord, who serve by night in the house of the Lord! Lift up your hands to the sanctuary, and bless the Lord. May the Lord bless you from Zion, He who made heaven and earth."

Ps.139:23-24 "Search me O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."

Ps.141:3 "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips."

In 1Peter I am reading about behaving as a Christian.

1Peter 1:13 "Therefore gird your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope COMPLETELY on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

1Peter 1:16 "Because it is written, 'you shall be holy, for I am holy.'"

1Peter 2:15 "for such is the will of God, that by doing right you shall silence the ignorance of foolish men."

1Peter 2:17 "Honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king"

1Peter 3:4 "...(let your adornment be) a gentle and quiet spirit."

1Peter 3:8-9 "To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing."

I have come to some monumental realizations lately (for me anyway).

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

I realize that I have so much for which to be thankful. I have been being a stupid, entitlement minded Israelite....but really, I am here for God, not for me and my purpose is to glorify Him.

Right now that means being a great mom to Will and Allie, lead a Godly life; pray; study; trust Him.

I have been working on my Master's degree for a while now. I was finally honest with myself and admitted that I don't NEED that degree. I WANTED it. I felt that it proved my worth as a person. I didn't feel worth anything being a mom. I stayed at home all day and "did nothing". That is very far from the truth, but I felt that I needed professional and intellectual proof that I was worth something to other people. I have come to grips with the fact that God made me in His image and for a purpose (as mentioned above)...I know that I don't need a paper from a university to prove my worth as a person...that is a big deal for me.

I also realized that I need to focus on relationships that are healthy for me. I was that kid in high school who was every one's friend, but had no friends...I need to invest my time in nurturing relationships with people who have the same ideals, interests, and values that I have. I strive to live at peace with all men, and to dwell in unity with the brethren, but I also know that for my own sake I need to admit when a friendship is just not really working. I still care for the people, but there may be too many fundamental differences in our ideology as parents, the way we communicate, or for whatever reason we just don't really jive. I have to let myself not be friends with everyone...it is hard for me, but so good for the anxiety and constant striving after the unreachable that was forever plaguing me.

I also DO need to keep in mind ALL that God has provided and how HE is taking care of us.

Things for which I am thankful:
Josh
Will
Allie
a good job
money to live on
a nice home
the ability to stay home with my kids
supportive parents who love our kids and babysit for us :)
our health
time, money, and the ability to craft and do fun things as a family
a good marriage
fantastic family
a good mind
no debt
a desire to live according to God's will


I hope to write a Thankful Thursday post each week with one thing I am thankful for and one way God is working in my life...I think it will help me keep my focus on Christ and also help me think more positively.